The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I've had a difficult, very thoughtful day today. I'm not really even sure if I should put this on my blog, but I figured that it's mostly my family who reads this and you all either know about it already or can handle my moment of instability. My mom went into the hospital on Wednesday morning for reconstructive surgery on her knee. The surgery went well and there weren't complications. She did have a long, painful first night in the hospital when her morphine drip wasn't working properly. My sisters and I have set up a schedule to have my dad over for dinner while she is in the hospital/re-hab center. She was supposed to leave the hospital today. Then I got the call from my dad. He said that she had some tests done because her blood pressure was elevated and that is a common sign of a blood clot. So, the doctor had a EKG scan done and found that she did have a blood clot. They also discovered a lump on her breast and lymph node. Great. I was hoping to take dinner to the both of them tonight wishfully thinking that she would be released and then get to go home and not have to be at the re-hab center at all. Now. Now it's all different.
When I heard the news I felt such sorrow and grief for my mom, my dad, my family, myself. I had to get out for a while so I went for a run. This way I can think about it without interruptions and without having to focus on anything else for a while. For the first three miles or so I just mulled it all over, trying to make sense of it all. About mile 4 I thought about the blood clot. My dad said they would take care of things in the most critical order. Since a blood clot left untreated can be fatal that will be addressed first. I don't know what you do for a clot? Medication, more surgery? Whatever it takes, that will be taken care of and when the clot is gone the worry over that will be too.
Then about 6 miles in I start thinking about the cancer. The doctor will do a biopsy to make sure but from the scan he was pretty sure it is cancerous. At this point it occurs to me that just removing the tumor isn't the end of cancer. There may be chemotherapy or radiation. Right then the tears come again and a new wave of grief comes for my poor mom. I think to myself, "I don't know if her poor body can take it!?!" She is now a cancer patient.
Then about mile 8 I realize that it's kind of a blessing that the blood clot was found because if the cancer was left undetected for 6 months or longer, which is how long she would have been in recovery from knee surgery, it could have been a lot worse. At least now we know.
Then about mile 9 I start thinking about our family. How the odds for me and my sisters of getting breast cancer now goes way up. How my grandparents may have to deal with the lose of a child. How my kids may not have a grandma to grow up with. I just can't dwell on the what if's, and the could be's. I finally stop after ten miles of clearing my head and I now know three things for sure:
1) I need to fast and pray for my mom, and ask anyone else who would like to, to do the same.
2)I need to go to the temple.
3) I need to take care of my body the best that I can and try to stay healthy so my kids won't have to go through this.
3 1/2)Then pray for guidance on how to get through it and know what I can do to help.

Sorry to burden you all with my worrying and my random thought process. It does help to put it all out there. You understand, right?